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Dante's Infanzia Chapter 17

Chapter 17:  I Am Mine

    Everything had come down to this:  Dante's death, the Judy's, Lysa, Midori, the Newborn Room, Caroline, regressing, Jamal, Vivian, Kevin, his Grandparents, the truth about Lysa, approaching the threshold, finding his anchor, singing, standing, being punished, Saint Jude, things getting even worse, and now this.  Dante was about to commit his one last act of defiance against the forces of Heaven and their jailors in Limbo.  They would see the mortals in their care as something to be respected, not manipulated; that they were more than just simple children to be rewarded or punished as deemed appropriate.

   Some very small part of Dante questioned himself; felt guilty.  Maybe the Judy's were doing the right thing in the long run.   Then he remembered that the Devil was once an angel as well.  Not even angels were perfect.  They only held onto that pretense.  These things were just as capable of fault, pride, and monstrousness as any sentient creature. They just had special tools to help them in their designs.  Hopefully Dante's plan would shock them bad enough to where they'd think twice, but he wasn't doing this for them.  Not at all.  Fuck them with a giant spoon and twist it sideways.

   Dante always thought that guilt was the last thing to go.  Apparently not.  He had so many other emotions running through him that he couldn't register them all.  Anger, fear, hope, even a little bit of pride.  He'd never felt like this.

    He counted to a hundred slowly, as the stroller moved along the winding narrow path.  Then he counted backwards from a hundred just to be sure.   He wanted to be at about the half-way point before he started, too far away from Limbo or Heaven for reinforcements to arrive in time to make a difference.  It was fortunate that the Judy in the green dress hadn't stripped him of his ability to count.   Dante smiled.  Then again, maybe she did, and he was just taking it back anyways.

      Dante knew exactly what song he wanted to use.  It wasn't "You Gotta Keep 'Em Separated", but he liked it better in this instance.  "You Gotta Keep 'Em Separated" was a story about punk kids that shirked responsibility and consequences.  "You're under 18 you won't be doing any time. Come out and play."  That wasn't who Dante was anymore.

      This song, Dante's new song, was about all the wonderful things that people had inside of them, and how they shouldn't shut those things away.  They'd be incomplete without them.  It was about how indomitable the human spirit was and how in the end, everything was going to be okay.  That was Dante now.  It wasn't what people wanted him to be, but it was what he chose to become.

     Dante started tapping his foot in the stroller, counting to himself to keep the beat.  It was in 3/4 time so it was trickier than your average pop song.  The strongest part of the beat came on the downbeat at the beginning.  Kind of like a waltz.  ONE-two-three, ONE-two-three, ONE-two-three.  Okay Judy, let's dance.

     Dante began to sing, just barely above a whisper.  Weaving his final, greatest spell.  He sang:

"the selfish, they are all standing in line,
faithing and hoping to buy themselves time.
me i figure as each breath goes by,
i only own my mind."

     He felt the strength and coordination return to his arms.  He could picture the words in his head, with actual letters.

"the north is to south, what the clock is to time.
there's east and there's west and there's everywhere life.
i know i was born and i know that i'll die,
the in-between is mine.
i. am. mine."

   Lysa looked over at him.  She had heard.  She started tearing up in realization.  She mouthed the words "No".  Dante kept going into the chorus.  Louder this time, with pride, so that Judy could hear.  He unbuckled himself from the stroller.

"When the meaning gets left behind,
All the innocence lost at one time"

  The stroller stopped suddenly.  It shook a little as the angel tried to unsuccessfully spank Dante through the back of the stroller.  It was too padded and reinforced to make it through.  Dante sang on in wait.

"Significant behind the eyes"

     Dante looked to his left and waited.  With the road being so narrow, it was Judy's only route.

"There's no need to hide."

     He reached out and jabbed the Judy in the stomach.  The angel wasn't used to full strength contact and doubled over.

"We're safe tonight!"

     Dante lunged sideways out of the stroller, and like a tiger swiped at his captor's head.  A smile formed on his lips and Eddie Vedder's guitar riff sounded that much louder when he saw her ear plugs fall out.  Dante glanced around. Just like last time, every angel that could hear his voice was still and entranced.  

    Especially, to his satisfaction, the Judy in the nursery scrubs.  Time to bring it home.


He stood up on his own two feet.


He ripped off the blue baby t-shirt.

The diaper followed.

He strode up to the Judy, the hairs on his body sprouting out of him, stubble coating his face.  Dante reared his fist back....

"I! AM! MINE!"


   The Judy stumbled back from the force of Dante's blow and tumbled off the side, down through the celestial sky.  Apparently, having never been designed or purposed to leave Heaven or Limbo, these so-called angels lacked wings.  Dante nodded his approval and grinned.  His turn now.

  "What in God's name is happening to the Judy's, Molly?!"  a familiar voice rang out in the stillness.  Dante's  head whipped around.  His grandparents were no more than 30 feet from him.  What were they doing here?  He turned to face them.  

   "Frank, he's staring at us...and he's naked,"  Grandma whispered a little too loudly.  "Do something."

   "Uh...sorry to interrupt." Grandpa stammered.  "We got permission to walk on down this road and pick up our grandson early so we could spend some more time with him."  Dante saw that Grandma was holding a child's potty under her arms, and Grandpa had a package of what could only have been Pull-Ups.

    "Wait a second, Frank."  Dante's grandmother said, squinting at Dante.  "He looks just like our Bobby did when he was a teen-" then it clicked.

   "Dante?!" they both said in unison.  The plastic potty chair rattled as it was dropped to the ground.

    Dante smiled.  It wasn't a happy smile, but it was for them.  An idea occurred to him.

   "Hey Grandma, hey Grandpa!"  he shouted.  "Tell everyone what you saw here, and give my regards to the Big Guy.  Pass this along to Him for me, would ya, Grandpa?"  Dante raised his middle finger in the air.  His grandparents didn't move.  Only nodded.    

   Dante peered over the side.  Nothing but clouds blocking his view, but Dante knew what lay below them.  Here goes nothing.  

   Dante felt a hand grab his wrist.  A Judy. It had been too long since he had stopped singing.  He spun around and swung his fist at top speed.  His fist stopped an inch from connecting with Lysa's face.

   LYSA!  She was standing...SHE WAS STANDING!  Just like him she was standing, and completely naked.

  "Please don't go." she said, looking into his eyes.

   "How?"  Dante asked.  "How did you-?"

   "As soon as I realized you were singing, I started talking to myself.  Lying.  I kept telling myself lies again and again, and next thing I know, here I am."

   "What lie did you tell yourself?"  Dante questioned.

   "That everything was going to be okay." A single tear danced down her face.
They just stood there.  Holding each other between two after-lives. Not a word was spoken.  Enough words had been spoken, lies had been told, and songs had been sung to last an eternity.  Dante surveyed his battle field.  

   Judy's were starting to come to, shaking their heads as if they were waking from a dream.  As soon as they laid eyes upon Dante and Lysa, the Judy's gasped.  No shouting of "Orpheus" or "Contact the Saint."  No battle cries or bum rushes.  Instead, each angel knelt down and bowed their head.  

They were in the presence of  the Adam and Eve of Limbo.  These two were idealized perfection about to fall from Grace.  Whether from some form of reverence or pity, the Judy's all stayed their hand, and waited.

   "Come with me,"  Dante whispered.

   Lysa shook her head.  "I can't," she told him.  "I can't leave Caroline.  Stay with me.  Don't go to Hell.  You don't deserve that."

    "We all deserve it,"  Dante said.

    "Doesn't mean it shouldn't be avoided at all costs.", she pleaded.  She hugged him harder.  "I'm not letting you go, Dante.  I refuse."

"BOY!"  an ancient voice boomed out.  "STOP THIS MADNESS!"  It was Saint Jude.  Floating in the air above them.  "STOP THIS AT ONCE AND I SHALL SHOW YOU LENIENCY!" He commanded.

   "SORRY OLD MAN!"  Dante shouted back defiantly.  "YOU DON'T GET TO MAKE THE RULES!  NOT THIS TIME!"  He leaned over and whispered in Lysa's ear.  "I love you.  I'll always love you.  I am so sorry."  Then with all his might he bit down into her ear.  Her screams echoed out into the open air.  The Judy's all covered their ears at the sound of her pain.  Dante torqued his neck and clamped down on her ear.

     With horrendous effort, followed by a sickening ripping sound,  Lysa's ear came lose in Dante's mouth.  She let go of him and covered herself retreating back into the fetal position.  The hair on her womanhood was already beginning to recede.  Dante spit the ear down next to her so it could be reattached.  Then, he took a step back and unfolded his arms, mimicking a cross.  He fell back into nothingness.

    He freefell into oblivion, past the clouds.  The scene changed to an ever darkening night sky, the stars twinkling like candles in the background.  Long drop.  Very long drop.  Dante's descent seemed to slow for an instant.

    "NO!"  Saint Jude's voice boomed from the clouds.  "I CANNOT LET THIS PASS!"  In half a second, he was on Dante, his gnarled hands reaching out to snatch him up and drag him back to Limbo.  

    "NOT THIS TIME MOTHER FUCKER!"  Dante roared.  "THIS TIME, YOU LOSE!"  Dante swatted away the old man's hands with one arm and struck at him with another.   Dante felt a satisfying crunch as he connected, breaking the self-righteous bastard's nose. Not dismayed, Saint Jude reached down and grabbed Dante by the wrist.  Dante's fall slowed to a stop.  Jude's grip like a vice. Dante dangled helplessly by his wrist.

    It couldn't end this way.  It just couldn't.  Through sheer willpower Dante pulled himself up and bit into the Saint's arm.   The old man cried out in pain as Dante tore with his mouth like a dog with a bone. (Thanks Dori)  Blood poured into Dante's a Saint could bleed after all.  

   The grip on Dante's wrist loosened and Dante didn't hesitate to swing with his free hand.  He stiffened his palm and swung his hips the opposite direction as he connected with the Saint's elbow.  A sickening, satisfying cracking of bones greeted Dante's ears, and Dante laughed in the old man's face as his elbow bent the wrong way.

   "Finally free", he thought, as he fell into the blackness. Finally Free.  He was a man.

     Dante was awake before he opened his eyes.  Either that or he was in complete darkness.  Soft tinkling music permeated the air, like a lullaby.
    "Wakey wakey, baby Dante,"  a Judy's voice caught his ear.  "Time to get up and start your first day."  He hadn't made it out after all.  He slowly opened his eyes.

    Wooden  bars were in front of him.  He was in a crib, again.  The fleecy feeling on his skin told him he was in footie pajamas and the crinkle and bulge between his legs confirmed he was back in diapers.  Something was wrong though.  A Judy peered down at him in the crib, smiling wickedly.  Not just any Judy though; the Judy in the nursery scrubs.  His Judy.  And she was enormous.

     He brought his hands up in front of his eyes.  They were tiny, pudgy little things.  He reached to the top of his head and felt only a few wisps of hair poking out.  He screamed in shock and a high pitched squeal came out instead.  She wasn't giant; he was now in the body of a baby. Fuck!  He had to sing, he had to sing, he had to sing.  He had to get out of this place!

    "Blabble abbbble goo gaa!" came out of his mouth instead of any actual words or identifiable melody.  

    "Poor, poor, STUPID...BABY...DANTE!"  the nanny said mockingly.  Her eyes literally flashed red for an instant.  "You couldn't think of any worse torture than being treated like a baby for all time.  Well you know what?   Neither could we."  She unbuttoned her blouse and reached down and picked Dante up.  "We just made some improvements."

     "I was sooooo mad at you when you knocked me off the path." she continued,  "Taking care of little babies just like you was all I knew how to do.  But now, I have a new name and a new purpose.  And that purpose is making sure that you're the best baby ever!"  She brought Dante's lips closer to her nipple and shoved his face in.  

      Dante cried as he began suckling.  All hope abandoned.  All bravado drained.  

   "Don't worry though, baby Dante," the fallen angel cooed as she stroked Dante's bald head, every word honeyed with venom. "this isn't angel milk, any more.  You won't forget who you are, or regress, or anything.  But I'll still get to feed you and burp you and dress you and change your diapers and bathe you and read to you and play silly little games with you.  You'll just be a big strong MAN trapped in a BABY'S body.  Doesn't that sound fun?  Mama Lucy will take such good care of you."


    It had been three days since Dante had leapt into Hell.  Three days since Lysa had failed to stop him from going.  Failed.  Again.  Failed. Failed. Failed.  Lysa was a failure at everything.  Lysa sat in her playpen feeling sorry for herself and mourning Dante.  She had expected to be taken immediately to the Newborn Room and share a cot with Caroline for all eternity, but that's not what happened.   

    Instead, her ear was reattached with a kiss, she was redressed as a baby, and carried back to Limbo.  All of Limbo had been in such disarray after Dante made his stand that she suspected that she had just slipped through the cracks and she would be punished for her part later when it was convenient.

    New Judy's, one's she hadn't recognized, had been popping up all over the place, either transferred from other nurseries or created out of thin air.  Lysa didn't know why.  Her current caretaker had short black hair and brown eyes.  Instead of nursery scrubs, she wore a modest white blouse and black skirt; just this side of school marm.

    Other than that though, everything was still the same.  Calling themselves "Mama Judy", cooing, tickling, feeding; the whole nine yards.  Lysa had gained back control of her emotions, speaking, and all that other semi-adult stuff.  It was almost as if Dante had never existed.  She didn't have words for how awful she felt for thinking that.

    The new Judy came over and checked her diaper.  She was wet, she knew, but Lysa didn't bother telling her that.  

   "Ugggh" the angel groaned as she placed Lysa on her hip.  "You're getting' heavy, Lysa.  Pretty soon, Miss Judy isn't going to be able to carry you anymore."  Miss Judy? Hadn't heard that one before. Where had that come from?  Lysa shoved the thought from her mind before.

   "A moment, if you please, Judy," a raspy voice called out.  It was Saint Jude- the old man who had flown after Dante and only came back with a bloody nose and a broken arm.  He looked fine now...if you could still look like an old prick and be fine, that is.  No broken bones or anything.  

    "Please leave us," he instructed and the Judy complied.  He pulled Lysa up so that she was sitting on the changing table.  "I wish to talk."  he said.  Lysa just stared at him.  She let her silence be her opening volley.  The old man sighed.  "We'll be putting up a guard rail along the narrow path so that something like this never happens again."   There was a long silence.

    "That's what you came to tell me?!"  Lysa spat.  The old man opened his mouth.  Then closed it again.  He shook his head.

    "Ye-...No.", he replied.  "What I really wanted to say was that I am sorry for your loss.  The boy was very special to you.  Given time he could have been something special to all of us."

   "His name is Dante," she scolded, "and this is all your fault."

   "I am aware," Saint Jude replied.  "Now I am anyways.  I did not realize that the Judy's were capable of such cruelties, that they would resort to the sort of treatment that pushed the boy...Dante, to his act of rebellion.  I am Regent of Limbo, but there are many more nurseries than this one, and I am not omniscient.  I wasn't alerted until it was too late."

    "How's your boss taking the news?" Lysa asked, looking for something to rub in the Saint's face.

     "The Father was less than amused when an old man told him the story of his grandson rebelling against his treatment and then gave Him the finger.  Do worry," he added, "the Lord did not unleash his anger upon the messenger."

     "Who did He release it on?"  Lysa pressed.

     "There's the less than satisfying part." the Saint conceded.  "  The two conspirators that set this into motion- one is already in Hell, and the other was allowed to be unmade.  She chose non-existence over an eternity in the Inferno and so the Lord unmade her.  Beyond that, it is up to me to decide where we go from here..  A task that I do not enjoy, but...I am the Saint of Lost Causes.  It is my duty."

    "So what now?"  Lysa asked.  

   "First and foremost," the old man spoke, "we'll be changing the rules around here.  Any resident of Limbo who can maintain their hold on themselves for more than a month without slipping back into innocence will be given the option of moving to a different section of the nursery.  There they will be cared for as infants- physically at least- but they will be given the respect they deserve as dignified, intelligent, and experienced human beings.  Those that wish to become as they once were in the beginning will of course be allowed to stay and embrace their innocence."  Lysa waited.

    "That's it?"  she finally asked.

     "For now," the Saint said as he turned around and began to walk away.

     "That's not fair!" Lysa called out after him, still sitting on the changing table in a wet diaper.  Saint Jude stopped in his tracks and spun around.  He marched up to Lysa, lightning flashing in his eyes.

    "Not fair?" he asked,  "You know what's not fair?  Postponing your eternal reward for a lifetime of devotion and-"

    THWACK!  Lysa slapped the old man across the face.  He just gawked, rubbing his cheek.

    "No!"  Lysa stared him in the face.  Unblinking.  "You don't get to play that card. You're not the martyr right now.  You don't deserve that feeling of being right, cause you're not!"

    "This is my fault," the old man repeated.  "But I am not perfect.  To err is human, to forgive di-"


   "Quit that!"  Lysa scolded.   "You don't get to do some prepared speech or wise old saying, shrug, wink, and then walk away.  You talk to me like I'm a person damn it!"  Saint Jude was taken aback.  No one in Limbo spoke to him this way.  No one.

   "I'm sorry..." Saint Jude stuttered at the girl.

   "You could have saved him." she insisted.

   "I don't think I could,"  Jude defended himself.  "I honestly don't think  I could have.  He wanted to go, and if I had pursued him any further, I would have gone to Hell myself.  I have no power there.  Everything of me is invested in this place.  I'd be trapped, just like him."  All of the pomp deflated out of the man.  Practiced humility gave way to the genuine article.  "I'm sorry.  There's nothing I could have done.  None of the other Saints could have either. They're already in their appointed roles and tasks.  We can't defy our purpose, girl.  We just can't."

   "Just because he wanted to go destroy himself, doesn't mean you let him," Lysa countered, her righteous anger building.  "You don't let a baby touch a hot stove or bang their head against the wall, do you?   And even if you couldn't have saved him, you could have tried harder.  Some things are worth fighting for, even if you know you'll lose."

   Saint Jude looked up.  "What did you say, girl?"

   "You heard me," she folded her arms across her chest.  The old man smiled for the first time.

    "My dear," the Saint said looking her in the eye.   "I can't believe I'm actually getting to say this, but you don't belong here anymore.  You've grown up."

   "Huh?"  Lysa was confused.  "I died when I was 16.  I don't' go to Hell.  I won't leave Caroline."

"No, you're not going there.  Not yet, anyways.  As for your daughter, we normally don't allow babies to leave Limbo for any long period of time.  But exception can be made...for Saints."  His eyes twinkled with happiness and mischief.  Lysa didn't know what to make of this.   "I have a present for you." he said as he reached under the changing table.  "It's not much, but it's a start."

    He lifted her up off the changing table and set her down.  She was standing on her two feet again, under her own power.  She was so frightened she was shaking.  With his free hand, Saint Jude untapped her diaper and let the sodden garment plop down to the floor.  He took a baby wipe and cleaned her between her legs while she stood.  Lysa dared not move.

    Then he showed her what he had in his free hand.  He presented her with a diaper.  No quite, actually. It wasn't white.  It was pink with a picture of Cinderella on it.  It was thinner too, and no tapes.  Kind of like a cross between regular underwear and a diaper,  Training panties, Pull-Ups.  Lysa started to cry.  The moment that she never thought was going to happen was happening.

    Saint Jude popped the training pants open.  Lysa stepped into the leg holes and he slid the Pull-Ups up her hips and around her waist.  

   "It won't be easy," he said to her.  "And it will take a while.  Possibly longer than you've even been here, but I think you're ready."  He stood up and gave her a hug.

    "Lysa Strata.  Your training begins today."  Lysa was still trembling.

    "Judy!"  the Saint called out.  The Judy came.  "There seems to have been a change of plans.  Lysa does not belong here anymore.  She's grown too big.  I want her enrolled in the Purgatory Pre-School immediately!"  He laughed.

    "Oh, Lysa, I am so proud of you!"  the Judy beamed, and took the girl by the hand.  Walking her out of Limbo.  "You're such a big girl now!  I have got just the cutest little outfit in mind for you.  
A purple shirt with some matching pants, and the cutest little white sneakers.  You'll love them!  Then there will be your big girl bed and your big girl clothes and your big girl-"  Lysa tuned her out, lost in her.  A whole universe was opening back up to her.  But most importantly of all, she had a hope.

"Hold on Dante, everything's going to be okay" she promised, not a lie this time.  "I'll come for you."


The author would like to dedicate this story to his wonderful wife.
She found out my secret, loved me for it anyways and married me.
Without her encouragement, this story would never have been written and I would still be lurking on these sites, too afraid to even post a comment, dreaming

Special thanks  to all who read this story and commented on it.  It was good to know that there were people actually reading what I wrote.  It made the vastness of cyber-space feel a little less empty.

It's been a crazy ride.  Thank you all for riding it with me.

Add a Comment:
TwistXL Featured By Owner May 31, 2014
I loved this series. I became 100% entralled by it, but I'm not gonna lie it's sad that Dante and lysa weren't together at the end.
236erics Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2013
I'm with lots of the people here. I to would love it to no end if you ever where to make a sequel to this story.
dmfan1 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
You know, i still wonder how the story would have gone, if Dante had forgotten himself, and if the story went from the perspective of Lysa
Personalias Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012
Good question. I wish I could tell you. After a certain point, I stopped writing, and had Dante and Lysa take over.

Errr..I mean, they told me what to write.

I mean I don't hear voices...I'm not crazy. I'm not.

I guess that is to say, I can't imagine it any other way right now. Open to ideas for the sake of discussion.
dmfan1 Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Well my thought was that. Dante becomes regressed,and Lysa, after all ready taking care of Dori now has to take care of Dante. but its a lot harder for her. especially a week after Dante regresses a new person comes in, Male or Female. and they talk about how they hear one of the judys talk about a way to snap somebody out of toddler regression. And make it to wear she tries to go and find this thing. Having it to wear the new person came from another area where there was a information broker
Mephy44 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012
Bravo good sit, bravo! You have kept me entertained from start to finish with this.

Dante's self-sacrifice at the end was perfect, and I applaud you for not pulling a deus ex machina at the end with him being saved. That right there shows to me that you're not letting yourself be restrained to using some of the old cliches of story writing.

I kinda have mixed feeling about the ending. Don't get me wrong, you did an AMAZING job with it and I wouldn't change a thing. It's know...that feeling you get when a show you love decides to end on a cliffhanger. I hope one day you might decide to write a sequel or something, just so Dante might get a chance of being saved thanks to his own self-less efforts. Cause right now it kinda feels like the ending of Shadow of the Colossus, sad overall....but with a strange feeling of hope about it as well.

Again, bravo...bravo....
I, and many others, will be looking forward to seeing more from you in the future ^_^
Personalias Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
One day I might write a sequel. Not now though. I don't want my next work to feel like Dante's Infanzia chapter 18. Dante and Lysa deserve better than that.

Yeah, the sad feeling. I know. I know. Dang.

In the beginning, I intended to make this a short simple story about a boy who died, was babied in the afterlife with the twist ending of him deciding Hell would be better...only to find Hell was exactly the same because being babied tormented him so.

Then the character's developed and came to life, and damn it...I started to genuinely like Dante and Lysa. They deserved better than that. But I wanted my ending. So I had them both becoming genuinely good peopl and ended up giving them the one thing I could give them: hope.

Mephy44 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
Oh don't worry, I agree. It's too soon to continue off from this. Just knowing that you haven't given up the possibility of continuing on one day is enough for me.

Like a said, it ended on a sad, but hopeful note, and it stands out among the crowd as a result. Its a little poetic actually, since in real life all too often people who do good deeds end up getting nothing for their troubles...and sometimes suffer for it too.

Also, now that I know your original concept for this I am even more blown away with how things turned out. You managed to turn a basic concept for a short story and make it into something much greater. It's not often that stories in this...category...can make you actually feel for the characters within them.

Whatever you decide to write in the future, you can bet I'll be there to read it. You sir have a bright future as a writer ahead of you here. Bravo.
misssusan002 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012
I will admit I am impressed with your story. Very nicely done.
Hopefuly we can see a nother story where we see Dante gets a nother chance with life maybe with the angel being his real mom in a new life where the angel remembers what she was but now a mortal being his mom and raiseing him as her own child :)

Personalias Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
Thank you.

No promises on any kind of sequel any time soon.
dmfan1 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
loved every chapter
Personalias Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
silverhedgehog-99 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012
This is one of the finest stories in this genre that I've ever read, and I've read a lot. You actually transcended the basic elements that we normally associate with material of this sort and turned it into a clever, thought-provoking, moving story that actually made you care about the characters. Bravo, sir! Bravo! My only question now is: Will there be a sequel? Because I believe this is too good a work to stand on its own, and because I really don't want Dante to remain forever in Hell for doing the right thing. Justice must be done in the heavenly kingdom, I say! Justice! (I keed). Partially.
Personalias Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
"I believe this is too good a work to stand on its own." I thought the best ones were the one's that stood on their own. :)

I made you care about the characters? Thank you so much. I care about them too. I think Dante did one of the bravest things I could imagine, but him being saved would have seemed predestined and take away the importance of his sacrifice.

Now, when I go back and read that last chapter, Dante seems brave, tragic, and truly heroic to me. I think if I had had him out of there, he would have just seemed lucky.

No promises for a sequel. But I did at least leave the poor guy with a promise and a hope. So maybe someday....maybe
FoxingtonIII Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012
Well, that was truly a fantastic ending.

I didn't really care for Dante's cursing and behavior, but I do understand the need for some drama. He sure went out in a blaze of glory!

Lysa's promotion to Sainthood was a very nice touch, even if it's not how it really works in the real world. ;)

Personalias, this was an amazing story. It's probably one of the best I've ever read, so give yourself a lot of credit, especially since it's your first story! And kudos to your wife for encouraging you to come out of your shell and give the community such a terrific tale. I sure hope you'll have more in the future!
Personalias Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
Thanks FoxingtonIII for reading every chapter and giving me feedback each time.

I tried to write Dante from the perspective of a teenager; so horny, still a little self-interested, but capable of amazing growth and wisdom beyond what most might think.

Some people when pushed into a corner though...well...blaze is right.

Works in the real world? Never being dead myself, I can't say how inaccurate my descriptions of Limbo were. I seriously hope no one was reading this story for theological accuracy. :) If you're reading this and you're a Teen Baby, please know that this story was for entertainment purposes only. Don't try to go to Limbo.

You guys haven't seen the last of me.
FoxingtonIII Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
Not at all, just my Catholicism rearing its head =P

I really truly did enjoy the story. You did such a fantastic job really taking the time to capture all of the emotions and details from all the various characters quite well.

I look forward to future stories from you. I'm sure they'll be just as great!
Personalias Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012
I don't know why it' formatting like that. Dumb
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